Breast Self-Examination: A Poem

BREAST SELF-EXAMINATION: A POEM
By S. E. Jihad Levine
© 2008


Slathering Mediterranean Rose bath gel over
my breasts,
preparing for my monthly
self-examination,
hands slipping and sliding as the
sweet-smelling aroma of rose rises
to my nostrils,
taking me away from the present task,
transporting me back to
numerous summer afternoons,
long ago,
alone in my bedroom,
lying on top of my white chenille bedspread
amidst a field of pink and blue
yarn-tufted flowers,
eyes rolled back into my head,
breathing long and steady,
perky nipples perched
atop minute mounds of soft flesh
that in my 13-year old mind
passed for a woman’s breasts,
nipples as hard as
fresh-shucked sweet peas,
the touch of my own hands
lightly pinching
kneading
stroking
rubbing
feeling far better than the touch of anyone else or
anyone since,
including that of my Uncle Tony.

Kneading and pressing my breasts now, in a
circular and focused manner,
not lying on a chenille bed spread of flowers
but hidden behind a fabric shower curtain,
haunted by the voice of my dead mother:
“Don’t ever touch yourself,”
she warned,
“there … or there,”
she said, pointing to the places.
“And don’t let anyone else
do it either!”
Not even Uncle Tony?
I wanted to ask her, but
he also warned me:
"Don't ever tell."

Memories of her shame and mine
wash over me as my
fingers search for the
dreaded symptom of
breast cancer.
Looking for a different type of pea,
but not a sweet one -
how did the brochure describe it?
like a pearl?
or a marble?
like the one Sis Nadirah found?
The
smooth
hard
pearl
that betrayed her and became a hard lump?
Or the one that ended Sister Atiyah’s life?
But not before she watched her husband
die from complications of HIV?

Finished with the monthly ritual,
I roll back my head,
exhaling a long breath,
feeling a different kind of satisfaction:

Alhamdulillah, nothing found this month.

Locking Up Allah's House

Thank you to my readers (if there's anyone left!) for your patience. I didn't expect to be gone from blogging this long, but the move to the new home has been a real jihad. But Alhamdulillah for the blessing of a new home! I have been trying to unpack boxes, get adjusted, clean, etc., and it has been difficult due to my physical situation and no help. Ya Allah! But anyhow:

My husband went to the masjid last Friday for Jumuah. And the masjid was locked. No one was there. It also happened one other time in July where he had gone to the masjid for Jumuah and no one showed up.

The first issue is the locking up of Allah's (swt) house. I really do understand the need in certain areas for locking the masjid. Our masjid has had it's share of vandalism, etc.

But if "those in charge" of the masjid are going to lock it, shouldn't one of them assume the responsibility of opening it for the salaat and Jumuah prayers?

Shouldn't at least ONE person assume responsibility for being there at these times?

Some brothers who visit our masjid regularly from out-of-town have been given keys to the masjid. This is like saying, "Well brother, salaat in the masjid and Jumuah is hit-or-miss here. But you can have a key for when you come around and we're not here."

What about those Muslims who consistently participate at our masjid, but who have not been given the "honor" of having a key to Allah's (swt) house? For example, I have assumed the responsibility of starting an Islamic library for the children of this masjid. I asked for a key so I could get in when I had time to arrange the books and do work in the library. I was sent around-the-mountain to various people in the masjid until I got frustrated and took the hint. Why don't these people come straight out and tell me that they don't want me to have a key? Ya Allah! I belong to a Yahoo group for Muslims from the masjids in all the surrounding areas. One new Muslim posted that she went to such-and-such masjid and it too was locked and no one was around. What kind of message does this give to the new Muslim? What kind of masjid is it when no one shows up for salaat and Jumuah?

Another issue with the locking of the masjid concerns when we have special events. One time, we received an email that the masjid would be having a "family night". Alhamdulillah, a good thing. The email stated that it would start at 4:30 p.m. At that time, the Asr prayer was around 5 p.m. or so. So I figured that they would open the doors at 4:30 p.m., as stated in the email, and that we would all be able to make our Asr salaat in congregation. Well, NO ONE showed up until AFTER the Asr prayer!!! Someone finally showed up with a key after 5:30 or so. Other people started to drift in around 6 p.m. Due to the locking of the masjid, I have had to adjust to "third-world time". Whatever time they tell you to show up means that you should add an hour to it. A 5 p.m. function becomes 6 p.m. and so forth.

Am I frustrated? You bet I am.

Another thing that frustrates me?

WTF doesn't Blogger format paragraphs correctly?

Rant done ...

We Are Moving!

I am moving.

No - not to WordPress!!!

My husband and I have bought a home, Alhamdulillah!

And let me tell you: at my age, with MS, and very little help, it's not an easy task. But I am doing it, little by little, one day at a time, Alhamdulillah.

So pardon me while we get settled, and PLEASE do come back. I promise to write soon, Insha Allah.

Love and Salaams to Everyone! Stay cool - it sure is hot out there!

Bahrain Names Jewish Ambassador

My Palestinian sister friend, Sana (Salaams Sana!), sent the below to me.

Another example of Jewish presence in the Middle East, and an example of how Arabs, Muslims, Jews, etc., can live together and all work toward a productive and peaceful society. Not sure of the source of this article.

BAHRAIN NAMES JEWISH AMBASSADOR

Bahrain's king has appointed a Jewish woman as the country's envoy to the United States.

Houda Nonoo said she was proud to serve her country "first of all as a Bahraini" and that she was not chosen for the post because of her religion.

She is believed to be the Arab world's first Jewish ambassador.

Ms Nonoo, 43, has served as a legislator in Bahrain's 40-member Shura Council for three years and is head of the Bahrain Human Rights Watch.

"It is a great honour to have been appointed as the first female ambassador to the United States of America and I am looking forward to meeting this new challenge," Ms Nonoo told the Associated Press news agency.

Her family is originally from Iraq, having moved to Bahrain over a century ago.

Bahrain has one of the world's oldest and smallest Jewish communities. It was, at one time, home to as many as 1,500 Jews. Today the community has a synagogue and numbers around 50 people.

Bahrain is a close US ally but has no diplomatic relations with Israel.

It has a Shia Muslim majority, roughly 65% of the population, but the ruling elite is Sunni.

Ms Nonoo is a businesswoman with homes in Bahrain and London.

We Can Auction You, Too!

The following happened to someone close to me today (anonymity necessary). The person is African-American and the family member is Caucasian.

They had gone for dinner with their family member at a well-known local seafood restaurant.

When they got to the restaurant, it appeared that there was an auction in progress. People were hauling things out of the place - shelves, boxes, etc. Behind the restaurant, people were sitting underneath a tent bidding on the items they wanted to buy.

My friend and the family member weren't aware that the restaurant was closing. So my friend went in to find out what was going on while the family member waited alongside the river, gazing at the beautiful scenery.

When my friend exited the restaurant, my friend confirmed to the family member that the owner told my friend that indeed the place was closing and that there was an auction of the restaurant contents in progress.

Then the owner told my friend, "we can auction you, too!"

I guess the owner called himself being funny.

Can you believe it???!!!

IWA 4th Annual Poetry Competition

As Salaamu Alaikum and Greetings of Peace:

In April, I wrote here about the Islamic Writers Alliance 4th Annual Poetry Competition.

The entries have now been put up online here for public voting!

Yes! That means you! You get to vote for the winner of your favorite poem!

Don't forget to check back to see who won.

Jazaka Allahu Khayr for supporting our project.

Muslim Hands - Helping China and Burma Earthquake Victims

Here's a Muslim organization that appears to be directly helping the people in China and Burma. Muslim Hands has an office in China.

From their website:

"Around the earthquake's epicentre in Wenchuan County and for miles around, homes, schools, offices and mosques have been levelled by the force of the earthquake.

Muslim Hands been working in China for a number of years and has a permanent field office in the Gansu Province.

An experienced team led by Daleel Ulkhairat (MH China) responded quickly to the disaster and have set-up camps in Mianyang City to assist survivors by providing plastic sheeting and shelter, hot cooked food, water and medical assistance.

Teams are also planning to enter two of the most devastated counties of Wenchuan and Beichuan as soon as roads are cleared of rubble and aid is able to flow.

Muslim Hands has launched an urgent appeal to provide further assistance to those affected by the devastating earthquake.

Please donate generously as your support will help save lives insha'Allah."

Reminder of The Last Day

All of the radio and television reports, as well as online features about the earthquake in China have reminders of the Last Day, Alhamdulillah.

Allah (swt) reminds us in the Quran that the dunya will be destroyed by an earthquake on the Last Day:

"When the earth is shaken with its (final) earthquake.
and when the earth throws out its burdens.
And man will say: "What is the matter with it?"
That Day it will declare its information (about all that happened over it of good or evil).
Because your Lord will inspire it.
That Day mankind will proceed in scattered groups that they may be shown their deeds.
So whosoever does good equal to the weight of an atom (or a small ant) shall see it.
And whosoever does evil equal to the weight of an atom (or of a small ant) shall see it."
- Surat Az-Zalzalah (The Earthquake) CXIX

"Do not invoke other gods besides Allah. There is no (true) god except Him. Everything will perish except His Face (i.e., except Him). To Him belongs the Judgment, and to Him will you be returned."
- Surat Al-Qasas 28:88 (The Narration) XXVIII

"The Horn will be blown. Whoever is in the heavens or on earth will then fall dead, except those whom Allah will spare...and at once they will all be standing and looking around them. "
- Surat Az-Zumar 39:68 (The Groups) XXXIX

"How can I feel secure when the Holder of the Horn has placed the Horn against his lips and has bent his forehead. He listens carefully, awaiting the command to blow so as to blow it."
- Recorded by Ahmad, at-Tirmithee, and others. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani

A reminder to all Muslims. Ameen!

The New Guantanimo?

(Afghan men in Kabul in February after they were freed from the United States prison at Bagram - Syed Jan Sabawoon/European Pressphoto Agency)

U.S. Planning Big New Prison in Afghanistan
By ERIC SCHMITT and TIM GOLDEN
Published: May 17, 2008

Officials are scaling back plans to shift prisoners into Afghan custody in a stark acknowledgment that the U.S. is likely to hold prisoners overseas for years.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/17/world/asia/17detain.html?ex=1368763200&en=f9ef679063f1e9f1&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

Traditional Senegal Djembe - Wedding Party - These Sisters Rock!

Open Letters, Open Hearts - Call for Submissions

(Deadline for below will soon be extended to the end of June, Insha Allah. Please consider contributing to this worthwhile project!)


Submit your own open letter(s) by May 31, 2008 to this anthology-style da’wah project.

Open Letters, Open Hearts
Personal Letters from Muslims to Family, Friends and Others
Working Title: Open Letters, Open Hearts
Narrative Author/Editor: Christine (Amina) Benlafquih
Publisher: An-Najm Publishers, London, UK
New Deadline for Submissions: May 31, 2008 (see Guidelines below)

About the Book

The anthology-style Open Letters, Open Hearts will feature heartfelt letters written by Muslims who appeal to their family, friends and others to open their hearts and minds to the message of Islam.

Most of us have been touched and inspired by an emotional piece of writing. Something as simple as a greeting card or as lengthy as a novel can successfully evoke emotion in a reader. Whether raw and direct, or gentle and persuasive, the power of the written word can not be denied.

Muslims worldwide are invited to use this power and compose open letters which address the people and unique circumstances in their own lives from an Islamic perspective. Whether differences need to be solved, religious issues explained, or concern expressed about someone’s harmful life choices, a letter allows the writer to convey sincerity and present Islamic values and teachings in a positive, relevant light.

Read the rest here.

More Memes

As Salaamu Alaikum Folks:

OK - the second meme:

I was tagged by the lovely Otowi:

RULES:

1. ON your blog, post the Rules & 10 things you have HOPE for in your life.
2. LINK Tag 10 people (we want hope to spread people!) and LINK the person who tagged you.
3. Comment/Notify the 10 People they’ve been tagged.

(All of the below are "Insha Allah" of course!)

1. I hope that our house closing happens on June 2 as scheduled.
2. I hope that I will write a book someday.
3. I hope that my health improves.
4. I hope that our children's library at the masjid grows and grows!
5. I hope that I will be successful in learning Arabic.
6. I hope that all the inmates I work with will eventually learn their salaat in Arabic from start to finish!
7. I hope that my step-son accepts Islam.
8. I hope that I will find the money and the assistance (wheelchair) to make Hajj.
9. I hope Barak Obama becomes President of the United States.
10. I hope that I lose weight.

Haaaaaaaaa ... anyone reading this who wants to participate, you are tagged!

More Memes

As Salaamu Alaikum!

Well, I've been tagged twice. I guess I can't ignore the tags anymore!

The first is from Miss Muslimah:

1. Last movie you saw in a theater: OMG! I can't even remember. I'm almost a senior citizen, you know! Anyhow, I'm too cheap. I wait for it to come out on DVD.

2. What book are you reading: The Gravedigger's Daughter by Joyce Carol Oates.

3. Favorite board game: none. I don't play board games.

4. Favorite magazine? Hmmm. Don't have a favorite. I subscribe to Al-Jumuah, Islamic Horizons, and Lilith.

5. Favorite smells: Amber.

6. Favorite sounds: Quran.

7. Worst feeling in the world: anger.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up: Coffee!!!!!!!!!

9. Favorite fast food place: NONE!!!!! I hate fast food.

10. Future child's name: none, Insha Allah. I'm almost a senior citizen remember?

11. Finish this statement: "If I had a lot of money, I'd ...." Hire someone to help me complete Hajj.

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Yes, my husband.

13. Storms - cool or scary? Definitely cool!

14. Favorite drink: water.

15. Finish this statement: "If I had the spare time, I would ..." go on a longggg vacation.

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli? Yes!

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice? Red!

18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in? New York City, Pittsburgh, Chicago, Harrisburg, Houston, and various small places in between.

19. Favorite sports to watch? Figure skating.

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you? she's sweet and shy (oh my, two things!)

21. What’s under your bed? storage boxes and cat toys

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again? yes

23. Morning person, or night owl? night owl!

24. Over easy, or sunny side up? scrambled

25. Favorite place to relax? in my house

26. Favorite pie? sweet potatoe

27. Favorite ice cream flavor? mint chocolate chip

28. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first? Allahu Alim ...

I tag anyone reading this who wants to participate!

Integrity - An Attribute of a Believer

I have always been known among my friends and colleagues to be a person of my word. When I say I'm going to do something, I do it. You can practically "take it to the bank" as the saying goes. Rarely, do I end up not doing what I say, and if circumstances are beyond my control, I will call and explain why I cannot do something. Integrity is a vital aspect of a Muslim's character. Breaking one's promise or word is among the attributes of the hypocrites. Narrated ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr (ra) that the Prophet (saw) said: “There are four (characteristics), whoever has them is a hypocrite, and whoever has one of the four has a characteristic of hypocrisy unless he gives it up: when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise he breaks it; what he makes a pledge he betrays it; and when he disputes he resorts to foul language.” (al-Bukhari, Muslim) More importantly, Allah (swt) warns us that "surely every promise shall be questioned about." (17:39)

I retired from my full-time job in November, 2007 after receiving a diagnosis of MS. Alhamdulillah, it's not as bad as it sounds, as I have the "chronic-relapsing" type of MS. That means that the symptoms come and go. The problem is that I never know when I'm going to have a bad day or few days. I don't want to lay down and give in to MS, so I have been trying to live as full of a life as possible, going on pursuing my interests and goals. More than ever, the phrase "Insha'Allah" has deep meaning for me.

The problem is that I cannot always keep my word. Ya Allah! This really distresses me. Some days I am unable to follow through with my commitments due to my health. I know that one is not considered a hypocrite for not keeping a promise if it is beyond the person's control, i.e., due to illness or something similar.

But I grieve. I grieve what I considered to be a valuable aspect of my character.

See, I am also a recovering drug addict. I have been clean, Alhamdulillah, 25+ years. I worked real hard in recovery to become a personal of integrity. When I was getting high, I was a sneak. Every word and action from me was a lie. Dishonesty was my code. Everything that came out of my mouth was bullshit. I'd say or promise you anything with the sole intention of getting over on you. The only thing you would depend on coming from me was that I was going to do whatever I had to do, one day at a time, to get another drink, another hit, another bag, another shot. My drug of choice was "more". When I got clean, I slowly learned how to be a productive member of society once again. I learned in recovery that integrity is a vital spiritual principle that the recovering addict MUST live by and incorporate into his character.

People trust me today.

As I go forward, I have to learn to slow down, while still continuing to live an active life as much as I can. The hardest part of it all is going to be learning how to say "no" when I want to do so much in life.

It's "back to basics" as we say in recovery. "Easy does it!" "One day at a time!" "First things first!"

Our Lord! Take us not to task if we forget or fall into error! (2:286)

Al-Huda Sunday School Library - Update

FROM THIS:

TO THIS!!!!

Jazaka Allahu Khayrn to our masjid board who shared the vision of a children's library, and who agreed to build these shelves for us! And to Linda Delgado (Sister Widad), owner of Muslim Writers Publishing (MWP), http://www.muslimwriterspublishing.com/, and award-winning author of Islamic Rose Books (IRB), http://www.widad-lld.com/, who granted us a generous start-up award. MWP and IRB support literacy and Sister Widad dedicates the profits from the books she has authored toward buying books for Islamic school children's libraries. And to Brother Adnan A. Khattar, Sales Manager, of Islamic Book Store, http://www.islamicbookstore.com/. Brother Adnan was very generous in offering the books to Sister Widad at a discount. He was also very efficient in shipping the books out to us in a timely manner.

We look forward to the growth of our children's library, Insha Allah. We are so thrilled with our initial efforts!

Masha Allah, the teachers and students at Al-Huda school thank both Sister Widad and Brother Adnan for their generosity and commitment to Muslim children. May Allah (swt) reward both of them immensely/Ameen.

Julia Surba: Pyrography on a Frame Drum

Pyrography, sometimes called "fire writing" is a beautiful art form. Watch this video of Julia Surba fire writing on a frame drum. At the end of the video, the finished drum will be played!

Unique Swan Lake Performance

This is an incredible performance. Enjoy the "frog" dancers and then you will see a mind-blowing performance by a prima ballerina. Total 7+ minutes. Enjoy!

(Here's the YouTube link in case it plays too slow on my blog: www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOqxSaW05p4

Serving Two Flags

Photo posted by Ground_Control at http://zakheimmastermind911.blogspot.com/

The federal government indicated a New Jersey engineer today for disclosing classified defense information to Israel.

This information included data on nuclear weapons, F-15 fighter jets, and the US Patriot missle air defense system.

Ben-Ami Kadish, a mechanical engineer, spied for Israel and provided restricted national security information to the Consul for Science Affairs at the Israeli Consulate General in New York.

Read more at:

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?c=Article_C&cid=1203759281435&pagename=Zone-English-News/NWELayout

President Bush and others in the US government have often been accused of serving two flags. Some suggest that America's foreign policy, especially as it relates to Israel, is the cause for anti-American sentiment in many parts of the world. $10+ is given to Israel daily by US taxpayers. America vigorously defends Israel against countries like Iran. Just a few examples. There is no doubt that if any country or group attacked or threatened Israel, America would be right there to help defend Israel.

So, why do these people have to steal from us?

Jews For Salaam by Imam Warith-Deen Umar

This book looks pretty good. I ordered it and Insha Allah will do a review on it after I've finished read it.

You can go to the following link where you can learn more about the book and read sample pages:

https://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.asp?bookid=40415

Texas "Polygamy" Compound Raid

By now, most people have seen the below picture in newspapers or on TV news shows:


I don't know. Something just doesn't seem right to me. Let me say that I am not a fan of domestic violence or child abuse, but this isn't sitting well with me.

I think Texas is screwing with these people.

Where's the evidence? An alleged phone call by a young woman at the "compound"? How come no one knows this woman? Where is the infamous "911" call that we have heard many times on news programs? Just where is the smoking gun in this case? Even the authorities admit that they have not "located" this young woman caller yet.

I don't know.

Especially when I DO know that it is usually VERY difficult to remove a child from a home, yet alone 400+ children. Most of us know children who the authorities SHOULD remove from homes, but they don't. Not without SOLID proof that there is a problem. Oftentimes a child in America suffers incredible abuse and neglect before the authorities do something about it. Many times, it is too late.

What's next, Texas? Waco 1993?

Everyone should be outraged if there IS abuse going on. Likewise, everyone should be outraged if it's a flimsy case.

Wonder what will happen when someone figures out that Muslim men can have up to four wives! Are we next?

("First they came…" is a poem attributed to Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892–1984) about the inactivity of German intellectuals following the Nazi rise to power and the purging of their chosen targets, group after group. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_they_came... )