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Copyright 2011, S. E.Jihad Levine
All Rights Reserved |
عَنْ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ قَالَ قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أُرِيتُ النَّارَ فَإِذَا أَكْثَرُ أَهْلِهَا النِّسَاءُ يَكْفُرْنَ قِيلَ أَيَكْفُرْنَ بِاللَّهِ قَالَ يَكْفُرْنَ الْعَشِيرَ وَيَكْفُرْنَ الْإِحْسَانَ لَوْ أَحْسَنْتَ إِلَى إِحْدَاهُنَّ الدَّهْرَ ثُمَّ رَأَتْ مِنْكَ شَيْئًا قَالَتْ مَا رَأَيْتُ مِنْكَ خَيْرًا قَطُّ
Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.” (Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 28)
I never thought it would happen to me; I've been so careful up to this point. But last week, I found myself up to my eyeballs in Facebook fitna.
I use my real name on Facebook. It helps me to maintain my integrity. Because you know once something's out there on the Internet with your name, it will ALWAYS be there. Using my real name helps to keep me honest. It's so easy to be a cyber idiot when you write under the cloak of "Anonymous," "Muslimah38," "Umm Jessica," or whatever - I think you get the point.
So I received a message from a Muslim sister who is the wife of a brother I have "known" a long time through blogging and various groups. The message was not public, but was sent to a select group of "friends" who the sister stated she has had the "honor" to know over the years. I only "friended" her because I know her husband.
Anyhow, the sister goes into a long venomous diatribe about her husband, who she is in the process of getting a divorce from, and provides intimate details about their marriage which shocked me.
Believe me, I understand the emotional pain of the divorce process. But this stuff was vicious and much more information that I needed to know about their marital problems. Then her "friends" left all kind of equally deprecating comments about the husband. I was really blown away. All that coming from Muslim women.
I thought about it carefully over a few days because I wanted to be tactful and before I replied with naseeha. I figured I should reply, and that she wanted a reply, or some kind of feedback or support. After all, why would she include me, her "honored" Facebook friend in her message? This was my comment:
"As with any test, we should remember Allaah t'ala in all of our affairs. How we respond to tests and trials determines the reward. Maybe Allaah is doing you a favor, Sis _______, or vice versa. Don't be ungrateful to Him by spreading your private marital business on FB, even though it's a note to a select few. Some of these 'friends' you may not even known very well or know personally. I know this is difficult for you, but please - maintain your dignity as a Muslim woman and mother. You are a queen and deserve self-respect. As to the rest of you, unless you know _______ or _______ personally, I would refrain from character attacks against them. We can love and support Sis _______ without stooping that low. Sis _______, I am not judging you; I feel for you, wa'ala. I do. Please accept this naseeha in the spirit it is being given :)"
She replied that I should feel free to use the un-friend button on my Facebook profile.
Then the fitna started flying!
Her "friends," Muslim women at that, started to attack me in their comments. I guess I was not supposed to give the sister honest Islaamic feedback, but rather I was supposed to jump on the band wagon and start running down her husband.
I was told that I am judgmental. And who am I, a revert at that, to give feedback, acting like I know everything.
And especially a revert like me with a Jewish name. Was I really a Muslim? I didn't even have a "real" (read Arab) Muslim name.
I was told that I am over zealous in my practice of faith and have crossed the line in "giving instructions" to others on how they should or should not behave.
"Hypocritical nonsense." "Condescending attitude ..."
Another Muslim sister said I should take a hike out of the USA to a place where I better fit in.
And finally - the sister who wrote that I made her want to puke.
All these sisters ... why didn't one of them remind the sister of Allaah (swt).
Why is it when you remind some sisters about Allaah (swt) they jump all over you and accuse you of being judgmental, or worse yet, attack you?
Intellectually, I know it's because they may feel guilty, etc., and deep down they may know you're right. They may feel embarrassed and become defensive. So they strike out at you. It's not always easy to be patience in the face of adversity.
But then sometimes you just want to say "fuck it." FUCK IT!!!
And your want your sisters to hold you, raise their voices with you, join you in a chorous, screaming from the highest hilltop, so the whole world can hear: "FUCK IT! FUCK HIM!"
So, please, tell me. Please. Was I a condescending ass? Do I owe the sister an apology? Was I right and they were wrong? Do I need to use the un-friend button?
Or do I need to join the chorous?
